... And they were not ashamed...

I'm trying to think how to put this into words and honestly I have to say this is the hardest thing.  This has been weighing heavily on my mind and heart. After several miscarriages I was discouraged  and heartbroken because I thought I would never have the chance to be a mother. Something I desperately wanted to be. I was bitter I was sad and just couldn't understand why I couldn't have children. But I was blessed to have two kiddos. I know of some friends who are close to me who is still dealing with the fact they can't have children or  those who can get pregnant and lose that baby. My heart aches for those friends because I know how much they want children and I was blessed with two. So I have two children why am I ashamed? 

With Noah when we found out I was expecting I was shocked, surprise, excited but very scared just because of previous miscarriages. Even with all those fears I was still excited to share the news. Because of my last pregnancies I suffered in silence and that cause more harm then good. We had Noah via c section but we were super happy to have our bundle of joy. Family and friends shared the same excitement.

Noah is four months and I'm pregnant again and this time the reaction was different. I got questions like was he planned? He has to be an accident right? Or again? You didn't even take a break. Those words hurt so much and something that supposed to be joyful wasn't joyful anymore. I know I shouldn't feel shameful or feel bad but I did. When people find out how close my kids are they feel entitled to tell me comments that's totally unnecessary. 

I feel when someone decides to have children should be between them and their spouses. Comments like AGAIN or weren't you using birth control is not appropriate. They are hurtful and makes one feel shameful. 

While talking to a friend and I told her I felt ashame about having children so close because of the negative reaction and one thing she said that put things into perspective for me was she said don't rely on others approval. I know it's simple but it really helped me. I guess it was the way she said. The lord told us not to be ashame and he has blessed me with two awesome children and I shouldn't be ashamed because of what society says is acceptable and what's not acceptable.I'm here to do his work and his approval is all that I need.  With that being said are you ready for what's next? Well let's see if you can guess.... Stay tuned :)