This is a topic that’s not talked about amongst many. It’s very understandable to as why?
My pregnancy journey has been scary. Something that’s
supposed to be joyful was replaced with fear and a lot of uncertainty? Don’t get me wrong I was happy for this
bundle of joy and I took every day as a blessing. But those doubts and fears
always some how seems to creep into my mind.
Ty and I found out that we were expecting and although we
were nervous we were also super excited but that excitement only lasted for a
few weeks because at 7 weeks the baby stopped growing. We didn’t know until the
doctor came in with the news. It was mind blowing because all the pregnancy
test said I was pregnant. The doctor gave us the option to miscarry naturally
or have a D&C. we decided naturally but after three weeks of nothing our
only option was the D&C. I knew the doctor was just doing his job but the
way he went about informing us about the pregnancy made it seem as if he didn’t
care. He treated this pregnancy like any other. We were left to deal with the
hurt and pretend we didn’t just lose the baby because according to the doctor
statistics shows, you are bound to have a miscarriage because about 10-20
percent pregnancy’s ends in miscarriages. A few months later we found out we
were expecting again but only to have it end once again. Devastated and torn we
continued on with our lives as if everything was okay. We didn’t know why this
kept happening but we also knew that everything happens for a reason. But
believe me at times it was hard to have faith and to continue pressing forward
but I had a loving husband, and no matter how hard I tried to lose my faith he
kept encouraging me to keep it.
About three months later we found out we were expecting once more but
this one also didn’t make it. It was considered a chemical pregnancy. With my
hopes of being a mother all gone Ty and I decided to stop trying because this
rollercoaster was taking a huge toll on us, it was taking a toll emotionally,
physically and spiritually.
As I was walking to class I got the feeling that I was going
to be a mother and that I was going to get to pregnant. When? I didn’t
know. Eager to share the news with
Ty I couldn’t pay attention in class. He came to pick me up and I shared the
news with him and that was the end of that. I told him lets go buy a test but
he wanted to wait but I couldn’t wait. I still had three weeks until Mother
Nature was supposed to come but he caved in and we bought the test. Ty waited
in the living room while I took the test. As two pink lines appear on that
stick I shouted out for Ty. I
showed him the results and both us an amazement we hugged and scream for who
knows how long and this was February of this year. The day we found out we both
got on our knees praying to Heavenly Father for comfort. I also got a blessing
of healing, which was very much needed. After we got done with our prayer both
Ty and I felt this pregnancy was different. So the question now was, was it?
The spirit confirmed it to us but
the human in me was in disbelief.
6 weeks into the pregnancy things weren’t going so well. I had to go to
the doctor and most doctors don’t like to see you until you are 8 weeks and my
previous doctor knowing my situation still wouldn’t see me so Ty and I did our
research and we switch doctors. Glad we did because once these doctors heard
our story and heard of the pain I was having they wanted me to come in. They did tons of blood work but
everything came out fine.
So here we are at 8 weeks and this is the furthest I’ve made
into a pregnancy and I am experiencing heavy bleeding. Scared to my core we
went to the doctor. Already
expecting to hear “ sorry you’re baby didn’t make it” the ultrasound proved
differently. This little one was a fighter and he had strong heartbeat. Just to
be cautious though I had to go to the doctor every week. I wasn’t getting any better so I was
put on bed rest. This lasted for the whole first trimester. Bed rest sucked but
I would take bed rest as long as my baby was okay. I got off bed rest two weeks
into the 2nd trimester. I still have had little scares here and
there but through them all baby Noah has still continued to fight.
To this day I
am still terrified. I look at that ultrasound, I hear the baby’s heartbeat all
that should be a confirmation but the human in me still is scared to death.
I am now 30 weeks pregnant and baby Noah is still is going
strong. He wants to meet his parents and Ty and I can’t wait to meet him. Yes
this pregnancy has been tough but it’s definitely has been a test on my faith.
So if you or anyone you know has gone through this, tell
them keep the faith even though it might seem like the last thing you want to
do. I really understand why this topic is not talked about but for me I really
wished I had talked about it. Keeping it all to myself did not do any good. It
just left me in pain, lots of fears and a lot of whys and it is for this
purpose I decided to write this.
Here is my
testimony I know that God lives and he answers prayers. I know that his spirit
did indeed confirm to me that day while walking to class that I was going to be
a mother. I know that because of the power of the priesthood I was able to
receive a blessing of healing and comfort. Baby Noah has chosen Ty and I to be his parents and this I know
with all my heart. I am grateful that no matter how hard the adversary tried to
strike me out, I had a loving husband who would strike back by constantly
reminding me “Heavenly Father told both us that this pregnancy was
different”. I am grateful that
every night he knelt down and prayed to his heavenly father to protect baby
Noah even when I didn’t want to. I am grateful for this blessing and I know
trials come only to make us stronger. I believe that with all my heart in the
name of my savior Jesus the Christ Amen.
